Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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