How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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