ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
