he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
