this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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