I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize