As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
