No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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