4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shame is for Republicans.
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