You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
