there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
