listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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