First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He passed out mid-signature
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize