Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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