i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
