im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
