I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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