I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize