so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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