and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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