her vagine was all disorganized.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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