goodnight i made you a song goodbye
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Green mimosas i think yes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They took my balls.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
