I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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