I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
