where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
