Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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