I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
