you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
