Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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