:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
