I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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