My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize