I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
