Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
