he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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