I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize