as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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