If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
false alarm. still invincible.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
