Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
