This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You pole danced in your parka.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
