I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found the puke drawer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
