Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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