My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
