like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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