It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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