i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
