she woke up with a sticky ear
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
