based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
