Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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