sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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