Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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