I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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