I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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