He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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