I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
