Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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