you traded sex for a burrito?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
