Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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