Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
