So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
