Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize