And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
